By Angel of the Deceased

Soujiro and Yumi stood inside the house, looking out of the window, waiting for Shishio to return. He had mentioned that he would be bringing someone back with him, but did not say anything about that person. Not their name, not how he met them, not even a clue as to their gender. Soujiro and Yumi automatically assumed ‘they’ were a man. After all, what use would Shishio have with another woman? (never mind, that was a rhetorical question)

Soujiro glanced over at Yumi. She looked as beautiful and serene as ever. He could never admit, not even to himself, that he had feelings for her, especially not since she was in love with his mentor.

He was lost in his thoughts as he noticed Yumi start to smile.

"They’re back!" She said, more to herself than Soujiro.

They watched as first Shishio climbed out of the carriage, then slowly another figure emerged from behind him…it looked like…it looked like…A WOMAN???

Soujiro nervously glanced over at Yumi, who was now glaring at Shishio. Suddenly an old proverb popped into his head; ‘Hell Hath No Fury like A Woman Scorned’

He looked into her eyes and had no doubt as to the truth of that saying.

He watched as Shishio led the woman up the steps and into the house. As soon as he opened the door Yumi walked over. "Ohayo, Anata!" She said cheerfully, wrapping her arms around him and playfully kissing his cheek.

Shishio grinned, the other woman glared. Obviously Yumi had changed her tactic.

Shishio whispered something to Yumi, making her grin even wider, before turning toward Soujiro. "This is Kamatari." He said, gesturing to the woman, who winked at Soujiro. "Kamatari, Soujiro. Why don’t the two of you get to know each other, mmm?"

He wrapped his arm a little tighter around Yumi’s waist and the couple took off in the direction of their bedroom.

Soujiro cleared his throat and glanced around nervously. The woman he now knew as Kamatari giggled and slid a little closer to him. Soujiro glanced around and cleared his throat again.

Kamatari giggled again and walked over to stand right next to him. "You don’t have to be nervous, I won’t bite!" She batted her eyelashes and added an afterthought. "Unless you want me to." She grinned as Soujiro’s eyes widened. Kamatari stood up straighter and looked around. "So, why don’t you show me around?"

"Ummm…" Soujiro looked around. "There’s not much to show." He shrugged and gestured for her to follow him. "This is the main room, the parlor…" They continued on down the hallway. (A/N I have no idea what Japanese houses are really like, so I’m mostly basing this on any old western style house. Forgive me.) "These are the bedrooms…" He gestured to the doors on either side of the hall.

"Ohhh!" Kamatari squealed and slid up close to him again. "Which one is yours?"

"Uh…"

"Oh, nevermind. I’ll guess!"

Soujiro stood there, jaw open, eyes wide.

"Hmmm…" Kamatari looked around, tapping her chin thoughtfully. She narrowed her eyes at the one to her left. "That one!"

Soujiro still stood there, jaw open, eyes wide. "Uh…"

Kamatari giggled. "How old are you?"

"Uh…"

"Fourteen? I figured around there." She slid up next to him again. "You are very cute. Has anyone ever told you that before?"

"Uh…"

"No? Wow. I’m surprised you’re not covered in girls! You mean to tell me you’ve never had a girlfriend before?" She said the last part in a sultry voice.

His jaw still open and his eyes still wide, he only shook his head.

"Would you like one?" She asked with a wink.

Jaw still open, eyes still wide, Soujiro shook his head.

"Oh, come on, sure you do!"

Soujiro vehemently shook his head.

Kamatari nodded. "Oh, yes you do!" She continued nodding, as if trying to convince him, as she grabbed his hands and began heading towards and empty room. Soujiro was shaking his head all the while.

Kamatari had succeeded in getting Soujiro into the room and onto the bed, and had begun unbuttoning his collared shirt, while untying her own kimono at the same time. Soujiro was paralyzed with fear and uncertainty.

Kamatari grinned down at her soon-to-be lover, pushing her kimono back, revealing nothing but her bare skin underneath.

Soujiro closed his eyes at first, and he heard Kamatari giggle. Slowly he re-opened his eyes and looked at Kamatari’s confidant face, then down, noticing but not fully comprehending that she did not have any breasts, then down farther…

His eyes bugged out before quickly closing. ‘Did I see what I thought I just saw???’

He opened his eyes again.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He screamed as he shoved Kamatari off of him and bolted for the door.

"Did you hear something?" Yumi mumbled into Shishio’s neck.

"No." He growled. Yumi decided to leave it at that.

Soujiro raced down the hall as fast as he could, Kamatari close on his heels. He raced for his room, ready to fling himself into it and lock the door shut. But it was not to be.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, grabbing him and making him stop. He turned around, face-to-face with Kamatari.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Again, Soujiro shoved Kamatari away and bolted for his room.

"Alright, this time I know I heard someone scream." Yumi stated matter-of-factly to Shishio. He gave her a strange look. "We should go check on Soujiro and what’s her name."

"HIS name, my love, his name."

Yumi stared at him incredulously. "You mean it’s not a woman?"

Shishio shook his head.

Yumi jumped out of bed (or, futon, rather) and threw a kimono around herself, heading for the door. When she opened it she looked down the hallway to her right, and saw nothing. She looked to her left, and, low and behold! There stood a half-dressed Kamatari, pounding on Soujiro’s door. She could hear Soujiro inside, wailing. "Oh Kamisama, what have I done?! What have I done?!"

Yumi shook her head and stood there for a moment, watching the scene unfold. Suddenly Kamatari stopped pounding and turned to Yumi. "What are you looking at, hussy?"

Yumi raised and eyebrow and decided to return to Shishio’s relatively safe and sane futon for now.

"What’s going on?" He asked as she closed the door.

"Oh…nothing you need to concern yourself with, my love."

"Soujiro!" Kamatari cried as she- oh sorry, HE- continued to pound on the door.

"Go away, crazy person!"

Kamatari sighed and rolled his eyes. "Oh, you MEN. You’re IMPOSSIBLE!"

Soujiro sat there for a moment. ‘YOU men? What does he consider himself?’ He noticed that the pounding had finally stopped. Slowly he got up and cracked open his door, and found, much to his relief, that Kamatari was no where in sight. He stepped out a little farther into the hallway, just to make sure that that cross-dressing hentai was no longer around. He sighed and stepped back into his room, closing the door behind him. He looked up, and that’s when he noticed the creature just a few feet from him.

"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"Are you sure they are all right?" Shishio asked Yumi.

She paused for a moment. "Well…"

"We should go check on them." He said, standing and throwing a robe on. He stepped out into the hall and walked down to his protégé’s room.

"OUT!!" Soujiro had his door open wide, and was standing with one foot in the hall and one foot in his room, ready to go whichever way needed to avoid the transvestite. He was literally shaking from head to toe as he screamed. "OOOOOOOOUUUUTTTT!!!!!!!" He pointed toward the hall. Kamatari was trying to reason with him as Shishio came and stood in the doorway, Yumi following but staying a ways away, but obviously there for moral support (or morbid curiosity). Shishio crossed his arms.

Poor Soujiro looked terrified as he looked up at him, silently begging to be rescued from this madness.

He sighed. "Kamatari, he needs his rest."

Kamatari pouted, but decided to leave anyway. Shishio and Yumi returned to their room. Soujiro shut his door and collapsed on the ground, sighing. It was going to be fun trying to live with Kamatari. If that’s what you wanted to call it-‘fun’.

My cousin Bushido informs Sobrina and me that we have to stop thinking in hentai format. But, awww, its so fun! lol

I would also just like to make it plain that I am not trying to bash gays, I was just trying to make the story funny in a sick sort of way. If you have a problem with this story go vent it out in front of your mirror.

Now, why don’t you go review? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top? Pretty please with sugar and nuts? And hot fudge? And cherries? And whipping cream? (as my voice fades into the night…)