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An Aoshi/Misao/Soujiro fanfic
Characters are not mine, but I would like to hear comments thanks.
//-thoughts
Of Paper Cranes and Promises
by shushufangirl (shushufangirl@yahoo.com)
She looked at herself in the mirror. How many times had she done this?
How many times had she entered that room bringing her little tray of tea?
How many times had she tried to produce that elusive smile that never
seemed to escape from his lips? How many times had she looked into
those eyes with a love that came from her soul and found none mirrored
in them? How many times?
She sighed.
As she moved past them the Oniwabanshuu could only shake their heads.
"Poor Misao. If only she would see that it is no use."
"I could kill Aoshi for doing this to her."
"Why can't she see that he will never change?"
"Ah but you see Misao shall never change also."
She heard it all. And it pierced her heart not because their words were
harsh but rather because they were true. She swallowed her tears and
continued to move down the hall to the door she knew too well. The
door that never seemed to open to her.
The smell in the room was always the same. It was familiar and different
it was sweet and bitter it was winter and spring all at once. And there he
sat, facing the veranda, his back to her. She began the ceremony taking
pains not to make mistakes. The tears, still choking her up inside.
He stopped in his thoughts there was something wrong. The way she
moved did not seem to fall into place. He faced her. She was sitting on
her knees obviously uncomfortable. He took his tea sipping it slowly.
Waiting for her to speak.
"It is too bitter isn't it?" she asked sheepishly.
"No it is fine." Silence.
He was almost finished and still she did not speak again. So he decided
to speak.
"Is there something wrong Misao?"
"No."
"Will you not tell me about your day?"
"No."
"Are you angry at me?" it was her turn to be cold and distant. She looked
at him for a moment. And began to fix the tray.
"Tell what have I done wrong?" he asked his tone was demanding taking
hold of her and stopping her from leaving.
"Nothing Aoshi-sama. It is I who has erred. Forgive me for being such a
bother. I shall not bring the tea tomorrow." Silence. She left him then. And
went into the kitchen where she left the tray.
"What is the matter Misao?" she just continued walking to her room. /No
Misao! Pull yourself together! Do not shed more tears for him. He will never
love you in that way. Accept it. Get over it. Forget him./ And at this she cried.
***
He looked at the door for a long time. The memory of her back still imprinted
on his mind. /What had just happened?/
He reached in to the lapel of his kimono and took out a small tattered paper
crane. The soiled paper masked the oldness of it. It was the last crane Misao
had made. He had taken it with him when he left the Aoiya so long ago. It had
never left his breast ever since. It was a reminder that someone waited for him
at home.
How he wished that she had spoken some more. How he wanted to hear her
sweet voice. His daily tea ceremonies with her were the highlight of the day for
him. It was what got him up in the morning. And the thought that she was safe
under his protection lets him sleep peacefully and dream of things that cannot
be. He cannot love her.
She who was the rain in his barren heart, she who has loved him as no other
could, she who grew up right before his eyes, she who was so pure and fragile.
How could he soil her with his love? He was not worthy of her.
He who could face down every formidable opponent but he could not win
against his own heart. He cannot.
How could he tell her that all he lived for was to hear her happy chatter, to
look into those blue eyes and drown in them? How could he tell her she was
his only reason to live? How? He whose voice had been silenced by his sins.
He had no right to speak of love. He was not worthy of her.
***
Days went by. He no longer saw her.
She went into his room silently one night as he sat meditating. Her eyes widened
in dismay as she sat opposite him.
"I had hoped you were asleep." She said facing him. " Farewell Aoshi-sama. I
leave tonight."
"Why? Where?"
"I need to find myself." A silence pervaded between them and she shifted
uncomfortably from her seat. She looked at him and opened her mouth as if
wanting to say something but she stopped. Then she stood up and she left.
He wanted to stop her but he did not know how.
***
Misao looked behind her. The Aoiya seemed like a lonely star amid the darkness
that engulfed the whole of Kyoto. She smelled Shiro's miso soup and she smiled.
She will miss them but she had to do this.
She started to run diving into the thickness of the woods on the outskirts of Kyoto.
Running as if she was escaping some demon. And she was. She was escaping the
demon that had consumed her heart.
***
He looked at her small form until she was fully engulfed by the horizon. All it took
was a word from him he knew. But he couldn't do that to her. He would not let
her be entwined in his doomed fate. It is better this way. Let her find true happiness.
A happiness no matter how much he wanted to give her, he could not. He stepped
out of the shadows and headed towards the Aoiya.
***
Misao had been wandering for about a seven months now. So many times she
wanted to head back home. But her stubbornness always got the better of her.
She had explored the regions between Kyoto and Edo. Visiting the Himuras
while she was there. Ah they seemed so happy. /Himura deserves to be happy
/she thought.
She froze. A sudden movement behind her stopped her thoughts. Before she
could blink she had sent three kunais flying.
Stepping aside he avoided them and caught one in his hands effortlessly.
"Well done Miss Misao, had you been a second faster you would of nicked me
easily." He smiled tossing the kunai in his hand.
"Se...Seta Soujiro!" she shrieked in disbelief. She looked at him. His once neat
kimono looked tattered and torn. His hair had grown longer and was tied at the
back. His face was filled with scratches and he stood taller. She almost didn't
recognize him if it wasn't for his usual cheery voice and his cold smile.
"Hello, how long has it been Miss Misao?"
"Th...three years." She stuttered.
"Ah has it only been three years? Time stands still when you're wandering." He
smiled to himself. "I see you have not yet changed. But you still are pretty."
Misao blushed at the compliment. No one has ever told her she was pretty. "Heh!
If you think that flattery will save you from my kunais think again. Prepare to die!"
she took her stance.
Soujiro looked at her puzzled. "But I have done nothing to you."
"You are Himura and Aoshi-sama's enemy. I will not let you harm them."
"Aoshi and I used to be comrades." He corrected her.
"Aoshi-sama was never part of your twisted Juppon Gatana! And someone
evil like you should not be allowed to breathe!"
"You wound me with your accusations!" he smiled obviously amused with her
spunk. She let out a battle cry and lunged towards him. He took a stance and
with one swift motion knocked her out. She doubled up and staggered forward.
"Ao...shi...sa...ma" she whispered before passing out.
"Still the lovesick puppy Miss Misao? You amuse me so." He chuckled. He
sheathed his sword and turned around. He stopped, looking down at her once
more. "Aww hell." He cursed before slinging her over his shoulder.
***
Her vision was blurry and she could not recall what had just happened. Her
head spun as she struggled to get up. "Awww"
"Oh you are awake!" A voice beside her said.
She looked at the old woolen blanket she was lying on as she tried to recall
what had happened. /A man, a smile, I attacked, I was hit. Am I dead?/
"Your body seems to be very resistant to hits. The attack I countered you with
would knock out a full-grown man for two days. You barely stayed down for
four hours."
/Seta. He knocked me out. He is the one beside me?/
"Eat Miss Misao." He smiled ignoring the look of absolute hate he saw in her
eyes. It was here she realized the soreness of her abdomen and the thought of
eating so soon made her vomit. "Oh I forgot, your body will refuse to eat for
a couple of days." He smiled.
/Damn! Why didn't he just kill me?/
"That move, it was supposed to break a man's spine and mash his entrails.
Why did you hold back?" she asked wiping the spit on the corner of her mouth.
His smile dropped. "How?"
"I am Oniwabanshuu. The Shin-se clan in Hokkaido uses that technique. The
sword is turned on the reverse side and a stroke that will cut a man in half if
the blade was used is utilized. It makes your opponent die an excruciating death.
Heartless still Seta?"
"Heh! You found me out. That was very good Miss Misao. I am impressed. I learned
it while I was in Hokkaido six months ago. I killed the man I learned it from
with the technique he wanted to pass down to me." He laughed.
Misao cringed she didn't know how twisted he could get. And she felt afraid but
calm at the same time.
"How is Aoshi by the way?" she remained silent. Not wishing to disclose
information that may lead to harm for Aoshi. "Still ignoring you I see."
"WHAT?!" she screamed her vow of silence melting. She wanted to clobber him but
the serious look on his face stopped her. She heard it too a shuffling to their
right. By the time she got hold of her kunais there was no doubting it. They were
surrounded.
***
A snap of a twig and a half-starved wolf leapt toward them. Soujiro slashed the
beast across its chest and it lay whimpering. The whole pack started to pounce
on them, excited by the smell of their fallen comrade's blood.
Three, four, six, ten,thirteen.
She let her kunais fly but she suddenly found herself out. She attempted to get
up but found her abdomen was still twisted. She saw one leap at her and all she
could do was shield her face defenseless. She felt something wet her hands. She
opened her eyes and saw Soujiro in front of her. A wolf with his jaws deep into
his neck. He had shielded her with his body and his sword was deep inside the
beast's heart but he had moved too late and it had gotten a bite at his neck
before his nihontu connected.
"Stupid wolves." He said flicking his sword free of the blood it was stained
with. He drew his hand to his neck, applying pressure to the open wound. He
collapsed beside her and grunted as his body made contact with the floor.
She started to get up hoping to get away from him. But she stopped. She looked
back and saw his unconscious body. She sighed heavily and sat back down beside
him. She brought out the sake she had in her sack and poured it over his
bleeding neck. He cringed at the pain it brought and slowly, painfully raised
his eyes.
"You...why would you?"
"A perfect waste of good sake if you ask me." She scoffed.
He smiled. She was adorable. And beautiful too. He first noticed her when she came
tumbling out in the middle of his and Himura's first fight. Her spunk only magnified
the attraction he had to her that he was painfully aware of as he faced Himura. The
same attraction he could not suppress even now./ Too bad she's so in love with Shinomori
e?/
And he promptly passed out.
***
He awoke to find himself lying on the blanket he put her on hours before. It was her
turn to sit beside the fire.
"Good you're awake." She muttered getting up. "A life for a life. My dept is repaid.
Never mind that it was your doing that my life needed rescuing!"
He touched his freshly bandaged neck. "Thank you Miss Misao."
"Yeah yeah whatever! Just don't turn into killer-hyper-over-drive while I'm still in
the area and we'll call it quits." She waved her hand at him.
"Heh, how far do you think you will get before you collapse?" He looked at her
retreating form.
"Huh?"
"I can see you're still hurting and I know for sure it's killing you to just stand
up. Your best bet of survival is to stay with me... until you recover."
"You...you fucking asshole you actually have the audacity to...to...when it's your
fault!" she reddened. But the pain could not be denied and she fell to her knees
before a smiling Soujiro.
/Shit. I can't believe I'm sitting here beside Seta Soujiro. This guy's a maniac!
I might be contaminated by his insanity just by sitting beside him./ It was her fear
of him that kept her rooted where she was. She wasn't about to disobey an unstable
killer like Seta.
She mustered enough courage to tear her gaze from the fire and look into his smiling
face. His smile was that of a child's. As if something amusing was taking place in
his mind. /His twisted mind. Just thinking about what this guy has done sends shivers
down my spine./ She felt bolder as she studied his face closer. /No way!/ She gushed.
What was it that she saw in those handsome child-like eyes and fake smile?/ Was it
sadness?/
He looked at her just as she dropped her gaze her face contorted in puzzlement. He
chuckled softly to him self. /How amusing she's blushing./
"Hey Seta, what's with the smile? You know it' s unnatural the way you smile." She
blurted out trying to ease the tension.
"Most people like it when I smile."
"Whaaat? That's even more unnatural! You should smile because you feel like it not
because people like it. A smile should be freely given not imposed." She frowned.
"Thank you for your unwanted advise." She stuck her tongue out at him. "What are you
doing so far away from your Aoshi-sama!" he asked mimicking her voice.
"Man I don't sound like that!" she protested. And then she heard it. He laughed. And
she stared at him when had she become chummy with Seta Soujiro?
"I was searching for something." She stated matter-of-factly. Trying to dismiss their
newfound familiarity. She didn't want anything to do with the young hitokiri.
"Did you find it?"
"No."
"Have you found something to believe in yet?"
"Nope."
"We're hopeless." She sighed. Again she heard it. His laugh. She looked so lost that
he allowed himself the pleasure of laughing.
The next day they found themselves travelling companions although the familiarity
they found the night before was nowhere to be seen as they trudged on in silence.
He would talk to her occasionally. And she would point something out to him that
she found amusing. And she would be rewarded by a smile.
By that evening they were making camp.
"What is the one thing you need to be a great swordsman?" she asked almost to herself.
"Loneliness." He answered coolly. She looked at his stern face as he made the fire.
His eternal smile pasted on. When did she cease being afraid of him?
"What is it with men and being alone?" she said exasperated. "I wouldn't want to be
alone. I mean, if I couldn't be with..." she was rambling now but he didn't mind. And
under his breath almost inaudible as if he didn't say it for anyone to hear but himself.
"Neither would I."
***
She couldn't understand why she was still hanging around him. Maybe she was not
meant for solitude. Those seven months of being alone almost drove her insane. She
laughed at the idea of having him for a travelling companion. Everyone at home would
probably laugh at her while basking in his or her own cold sweat. But she felt better
having him around and the fact that she woke up to find him still there probably
meant he liked having her around as well. She would talk of Aoshi most of the time
and he didn't seem to mind. Occasionally he would speak too. But always with that
infernal smile of his. She looked at him trying to read him. Once she said without
thinking. "Someday Seta I would like to see you really smile." And evidently this
shook him up for he looked at her strangely.
They reached a raging river with but a path of boulders to get across. He looked at
her. The boulders were huge not to mention dangerous. One slip and you would surely
fall to your death.
"I'm not crippled you know!" she snapped.
They climbed on the first one. Soujiro not looking back. Misao swallowed hard. /Ok
let's go/ She was about to jump on but was surprised to see Soujiro offer his hand.
She looked up at him. And this time she did not argue and just took his hand as he
hauled her up with him on the boulder. They paused for a moment looking at the
cascading waterfall before them. She looked at his profile. And looked away. She
felt her heart beat faster. /I love Aoshi-sama no one else right? Then why do I
feel? Why does it feel so?/ She did not notice him jump on the next boulder and
continue on until he reached the farther bank. She was jerked from her contemplation
and began to follow. /I love Aoshi-sama. I love Aoshi-sama. No one else./
He looked at her. Shivering on that rock looking absently at the waterfall. There
was no denying it he had fallen. He had fallen deep and hard. And he would fight
for what they had, no, what he had. Even if it would end the moment their wandering
was over and she had to return to Kyoto and to Aoshi and he back to searching for
the man inside of him that he so desperately wanted to find. But it didn't seem to
matter anymore. He didn't know when it happened. But it did and no matter how much
he wanted to deny it he had a heart. And Misao had found it.
She landed soundlessly beside him. He nodded and continued to move forward.
***
He wouldn't say it.
Neither would she.
They were nearing Kyoto and it meant that a choice would be made soon. She stood on
the cliff overlooking the great city.
"You could come with me you know." She sighed. He just smiled.
"Perhaps." And with that he turned his back on her and walked away.
***
"One whole year. Who thought so much could happen in a year?" she smiled to herself.
She walked towards the blue rooftop she knew all too well.
A year had passed since she came back. Twenty years old and she had blossomed fully
into womanhood yet she did not lose her spunk. But something was lost on her
expedition and sadly this could never be replaced. She lost her innocence (no she
didn't loose THAT!) on that mountain. She could no longer be called a child. Aoshi
noted this with sadness. When she returned he told himself he would tell her how
he felt. But something always stopped him. He couldn't do it. For now having her
around was enough.
She had changed. So much it seemed. Her old Oniwabanshuu uniform was finally put
aside and a proper kimono was put on. Her long hair was liberated from its eternal
braid and was now held back simply by a silk blue ribbon and cascaded down her
back. A simple elegance replaced the hardheadedness that seemed to have all but
disappeared. Save for a few outbursts here and there. Her loud chatter was more
subdued now.
"I don't know what is wrong with you Misao but this vow of silence you took is
unnerving me!" Okon gushed as they sat in one of the tables of the Aoiya. The
restaurant was closed for that day and everyone was enjoying the day off. Even
Aoshi consented to having tea in the restaurant he rarely sat in.
"Yeah Misao you haven't even told us about your year away from us. Did you meet
any men?" Omasu teased. Misao just smiled. Aoshi looked from the corner of his
eye and commented to himself how her subdued manner suited her.
"Aaaa! Misao come on tell!" Omasu giggled.
He smiled it did suit her better. But he did miss the bubbly Misao that continually
amused him with her antics, although he wouldn't admit it.
"Come on Misao! Tell us!" Omasu nagged. But her mind was elsewhere. It was on a
sunny day by the river and a boy holding out his hand to her lifting her up on a
boulder. The sun illuminating the boy's smile. And she sighed. The door to the
Aoiya slid open causing everyone to look in the general direction of the front
door.
"I'm sorry but the Aoiya is closed for today." Came Okina's lazy remark. They froze.
Standing in front of them, in his blue kimono and a perpetual smile on his face
stood a longhaired Seta Soujiro. Their surprise only multiplied as they saw Misao
take a step towards him.
"Forgive my intrusion." He bowed to the other Oniwabanshuu. He looked into Misao's
blue eyes and whispered. "I have yet to show you my smile Miss Misao." And he took
her hand in his and squeezed it. And she smiled.
***
He could hear the gasps of surprise as the two youths openly showed their familiarity
with one another. No.
After a few moments he found himself sitting in one of the parlors. Okina sitting
beside Misao as he found himself facing a smiling Soujiro.
"Tell me again what your intentions are Seta." Okina ordered beside the suddenly
shy Misao.
"I intend to marry her. If she'll have me." He stated confidently.
"Aoshi?" the old man looked at him for some sort of objection.
"It is Misao's decision." He said no emotion what so ever.
"Misao?"
"I...I would be happy to have him as my husband." She smiled looking at Soujiro.
"I didn't expect this."
"Oh Jiya! I'm twenty years old now! Isn't it about time?"
"If it makes you happy Misao." She hugged him tightly. And looked up at Aoshi in
supplication. All she got was a curt nod.
Then she flew into Soujiro's arms planting a kiss on his lips as they curved into
a smile. "I don't want to be a great swordsman if it means I'll be separated from
you. Loneliness is a terrible plague."
Oh how she knew what he meant.
***
He was left alone in his room now. His head swimming. He too knew what he meant.
And now it seemed it was his ailment, something that will never truly leave his
body. He knew it would happen. He knew she would not wait for him forever. Her
blind adoration was simply that. Blind. And now she finally found the one that
would make her happy. And it wasn't him. Secretly he had hoped she would wait for
him forever. Secretly he needed her to wait forever. And now it was too late. Aoshi
fingered the paper crane he had in his Kimono and clutched it to his heart as he
closed his eyes in desperation.
***
"Why didn't you ask me before?"
"I was afraid to."
"Why?"
"Because I thought that if I asked you then you would say that you were in love with
Shinomori. And after almost a year without your smile I knew I couldn't take it
anymore. Who cares what your answer would be I couldn't take the emptiness that was
eating me from the inside. I needed to see you once more even if it was the last
time."
"I love you Soujiro." She said embarrassed. His smile faltered at the hesitation
she displayed but it didn't matter. He too was unsure of his feelings when he
arrived on the Aoiya's doorstep that morning. But he was sincere in his proposal.
Never had he been so sure of anything in his life.
"When I set out years ago I wanted to find myself. And I have. I belong here where
I can find your smile."
"Your days of being a hitokiri are over?"
"Yes. So long as you're here with me."
"You will become like Himura then? A man who will not kill?" He smiled at her and
she sighed. She was afraid of the heartless Soujiro that she had first seen so many
years ago but now at his promise her apprehension disappeared. He might have been a
monster all those years ago but now she had the rest of their lives to create a new
man from him. /A man who will not kill./ She repeated to herself as if reminding
herself of what he had just promised.
"I love you Soujiro. And I have never been happier than at this moment. I can see
the rest of my life beside you. A man of peace." she smiled. Then he held her closer
and enveloped himself in her innocence(again it's not THAT! This is PG13!).
***
/Today she became his wife; tonight she would become his./ Aoshi thought with grim
reality. Everyone came to see their union. After getting over the initial shock of
finding out who she was going to marry they all had nothing but best wishes for the
new couple. He looked at her inside the now crowded room, she looked like a true
bride and he tried to search for a trace of the Misao he had raised. And as he
feared found none.
He stepped out of the room and walked around the garden. He had been hurting so much
over the past few months. He carried a hurt he had no right to bear. And knowing this
made it even more unendurable. But he tolerated it as well as he could. For her sake.
For her happiness.
He froze as he found her sitting there as he was on his way back. She smiled at him.
"It's beginning to stink in there." She said in her usual manner.
/There she is. There is my Misao./ He smiled. He sat down beside her.
"Hey Aoshi-sama?" he looked at her. She looked sideways before putting on a disturbed
look and muttering. "Never mind." He sighed at the familiar habit he saw unfolding
before him. A silence covered them. "Hey Aoshi-sama?" she asked once more.
"Yes Misao?" he asked knowing full well that this would not end unless he did
something.
"Nothing." She shook her head as she broke into a smile once more. /This is the last
time I shall ever see my Misao. Tomorrow she would be a different person. /She let
out one of her giggles as she buried her face on his chest encompassing him in an
embrace. "Thank you Aoshi-sama for everything. I just hope you find a happiness
surpassing that which I received from you."
He moved his hand and pulled her closer to him./ I have Misao. I have./ He breathed
in the scent of white powder and borrowed perfume. It did not suit her. Her scent
of sunlight and open fields was the sweetest smelling perfume he could hope for.
/Tomorrow you will be his. Tomorrow I will loose you./ He thought bitterly. He
wanted to kiss her then in the moonlight. To claim her for himself. How he longed
to take her away from there and make her his wife.
But he knew that that would trample Misao's newfound happiness. And he would never
do that. He promised to make her happy. He lived to see her happy. At any cost. Even
if the cost was his own happiness. He held her tightly in his arms. /Stay mine a
little longer Misao. Stay mine./
After a while she withdrew from their embrace "Thank you Aoshi-sama."
"Thank you Misao. You are my happiness." He whispered almost inaudibly. She looked
up at him. Her eyes widened at what he said. And she smiled in understanding and
went back inside leaving him alone once more.
/She would never understand. And perhaps it is better that she doesn't./ Then he
buried his face in his hands.
***
His new wife was missing and he looked around for her. He stepped outside and he
froze. He found her, in the arms of another man. Seta Soujiro smiled. And went
back inside. I won Shinomori, I won. Misao stopped at the top of the stairs.
***
"Whew! These steps never seemed so steep before!" she whispered to herself placing
the tray she was carrying on the banister as fanned herself with her hands. After
catching her breath she looked out the window and Soujiro waved at her from the
garden. /Seta Soujiro of the ten swords tending a vegetable garden?/ The thought
seemed humorous in a way yet it seemed right at the same time. She took the tray
back in her arms and continued on her way.
He heard the knock and was startled out of his meditation. No one was supposed to
come at this hour. Nonetheless he regained his composure and bid the intruder to
enter. He was surprised to find Misao enter with a smile on her face and a tray
in her hands.
"Misao?"
"Hello Aoshi-sama. I just thought it would be a good idea to bring you your tea
today." She kneeled in front of him and with some difficulty and found a comfortable
way of sitting. "It has been more than two years since I brought you your tea. I'm
sorry if I neglected you for so long." She began the ceremony. Her brows furrowed
in concentration and hands aching to get the slow movements over and done with. He
smiled, he remembered those times when she would be patient for about five minutes
and then began to get uneasy and start her chattering. Always it would be five
minutes no more no less. Her swollen belly he noted sadly, hindered her movements.
"It is not your fault you have a husband to attend to now." He said monotonously.
"Where is Seta?"
"Soujiro is outside tending the garden." She emphasized his name. He would never
call him by his first name no matter how much she insisted that he get to know her
husband more. /He rarely leaves his room now. And the tension between him and
Soujiro is still present./ She sighed to herself. "Imagine Makoto Shishio's prodigy
pulling up grass in our backyard." She laughed. He smiled at this.
"A lot has changed."
"Yes. This is my dream for him. For him to become a peaceful man. Far from the
hitokiri he became. And I will personally take it upon myself to wring out all
the blood thirstiness he has inside of him!" she laughed raising her first for
emphasis.
"You know Misao as of right now you are his only hope of forsaking the life he
led before and to become a real man." She blushed at this. "You are his only
hope for redemption." He did not know whether he spoke of himself as well.
"We are." Misao smiled stroking her belly. He smiled. /AAA! I am defeated it seems./
They fell silent for a moment both not willing to speak any further.
He reached in his kimono absently feeling the soft paper under his fingers. Holding
on to it as if it was his only salvation. She noticed it.
"What do you have there?" she said in her usual nonchalant tone that he missed so.
"N-n-nothing." He stammered not letting go of his lifeline.
"Come on let me see." She teased. She went to him and wrestled with him. He was
taking care not to hurt her in her delicate condition but he was not about to
let her see what he had kept close to his heart for more than ten years now
either. But years of experience as an expert ninja and thief finally won and she
made it slip from his grasp. She held up the battered paper crane triumphantly.
"Hahaha Aoshi-sama! At your age? Paper cranes?"
He suddenly felt weak. He was the child now. He was the fragile one now.
She stopped recognizing the child-like scribble on the crane's wing. Mikamichi
Misao. She even misspelled her name.
"This is..." she looked at him. He looked away sheepishly. "You kept it after all
these years!" she stared at the crane and a long silence enveloped them again. She
looked at him. The anguish written on his face bewildered her.
"Please." He pleaded. She gasped. Never in her life has she heard him with so much
pain and desperation in his voice. She handed him back the paper crane and he tucked
it protectively inside his kimono. She couldn't breathe.
***
/What had just happened?/
Her mind was in a whirl but she managed to get up and ask for leave from him. He
weakly gave her his permission and the frailness of his voice confused her even
more. She ran to her room and closed the door behind her. And finally her knees
gave out and she sank to the floor.
***
/What had just happened?/
He looked into his hands willing them to give him an answer. The paper crane
looked so alien in his hands, like it didn't belong there. He wanted to burn it, as
if by doing so he could erase what had just happened. He cursed himself for being
so emotional. When had he lost control over his emotions? When had he become so
weak? /When she was taken from me,/ came a resentful reply.
***
He could hear her breathing beside him. Something was wrong. He meant to ask her
what was troubling her but knowing Misao she would have told him if it were important.
Still he couldn't shake the feeling that she was troubled somehow.
He opened his eyes and watched her sleeping. She had kicked off her covers and he
could see the swollen mass hidden by the folds of her nemaki. He brushed his fingers
across her cheek and she murmured something in her sleep. He smiled. He moved his
hand to her belly and gently stroked his unborn child. He jumped as he felt her hand
cover his. He looked into her eyes and she smiled. She shifted her position so that
her back was resting on his chest. He cradled her head in his arm and rested his head
on the crook of her neck. She took his hand in hers as she placed it on her belly.
"I love you." She whispered before going back to sleep.
"I love you too." He whispered to her back. He sighed. This felt perfect. He closed
his eyes, tomorrow he would wake up beside her. Tomorrow she would still be his
wife. And perhaps tomorrow their child would be born.
When he first held Misao in his arms he felt so ashamed to hold her in such
bloodstained hands. Her innocence was so white compared to his soul. The soul he
could feel slowly being engulfed by the dark void that reigned king inside of him
before he found her. Ever since that day they met again he had somehow found peace.
And the fact that he actually hurt her then made him sick to his stomach. He was a
sinner and she was his redeeming angel. She washed all his sins away and every time
he woke up beside her he felt reborn.
"Every smile I have now is yours alone beloved. Every smile I have now is freely
given." He whispered to unhearing ears.
***
She sat looking at the little yukata she was sewing in three weeks time her child
would be born. Her mind drifted to that morning when she found the paper crane in
his breast. She could not understand why he had kept it all this time. /It's not
like he loved me so much that he...it's not like he loved me in any way but as a
guardian./ But the look on his face as she held the paper crane made her heart
bleed. /It's almost as if he was afraid I would take it from him. It's like he
would die if I.../
Her thoughts were interrupted as he entered the room. She smiled and greeted him
good morning hiding her turmoil. He sat beside her on the patio facing the garden
and looked at her sewing. She held it up for him to see and he smiled.
"It would be nice to have little feet pattering around here once more." He smiled.
"Hey Aoshi-sama. Do you think it's a girl or boy?"
"I hope it's a girl. So it would remind me of the times when I held your hand in
mine little Misao." He said wistfully.
She paused unsure of what to feel. She looked up at him and studied his profile.
His eyes were looking at the garden yet it was evident his gaze passed through
the walls of the Aoiya. It went back to a time when Misao was holding his hand.
Her little fist disappearing inside his. She looked up at him and she smiled. She
was happy just having him beside her.
She sat there watching him as he was caught up in the memory. And slowly she began
to feel a sadness creep inside her heart. A longing she has long forgotten and a
love she chose to bury deep inside. Perhaps she did understand and she would not
let herself see. Perhaps she was wrong.
His reminiscing was stopped abruptly as he saw something moving in the corner of
his eye. His gaze found itself on Misao's face, two solitary pathways being formed
by the tears steaming down her face.
"Misao?" she could not answer him. "When will I cease causing you tears?" he asked
sadly. All she could do was shake her head in response.
"Tell me Aoshi-sama, tell me did you love me?" her voice trembled.
"Of course I do."
"As I did you?" he paused completely taken aback by her question. He did not answer
her. But she didn't need one. She knew the answer even before she asked. Her tears
began to fall once more.
"Misao..." she got up and ran to her room. Dropping her sewing behind her. She
collapsed on her futon her shoulders shaking with the emotion escaping her body.
/I do love him. I still do. Perhaps I never stopped. I thought Soujiro could provide
that which he could not. But that cannot happen. The heart never forgets. Oh god I
was wrong. Forgive me I was wrong./
He looked at her retreating back. /She understood. Oh god she understood. Forgive
me the pain was too much to bear./
***
She looked at Soujiro. She smiled. /I belong beside him now. No matter what, I am
his wife now. I love Soujiro. I love him. I had promised to love him./
Soujiro searched the room for his wife. He found her gaze and she smiled at him.
He smiled back. /I know you Makimachi Misao. Something is bothering you. If you
would only tell me what saddens you so./
"Misao, what is the matter?" he asked coming closer to her.
"Nothing Soujiro. You are here now everything is fine." She answered taking his
hand in hers. When no one was looking, she placed her forehead on his and smoothed
his long hair from his face. She loved Soujiro of this she was sure. Perhaps her
heart will learn to forget. She would make it forget.
***
"I have never seen so much blood loss in any childbirth. I am afraid..."
Soujiro looked toward her room as Aoshi cast his eyes on the floor.
"How long does my wife have?" he asked. The okashira cringed at the words he had
endured it for as long as he could. He didn't want to cause Misao grief by showing
his disfavor of their marriage openly. But not now, not now when he was in danger
of loosing her once more. /I lost her once I won't loose her again./
"I don't know, maybe tomorrow. Maybe tonight, next week, next month. There is no
way of knowing for sure." The doctor shook his head sadly.
"Do something for her!!!" Soujiro screamed, panic in his voice. "Save her or so
help me..." he grabbed the old man's collar, pulling him up with him. Aoshi's
hand restrained him.
"Go to your wife while there is still time." he said stoically. He looked into
the enraged man's eyes. There was a certain fire in them that he saw only once
before. It was when he was about to kill. 'Til now it seemed as if those eyes
had disappeared forever from Seta Soujiro's smile. He laughed inwardly. /Seta
is like me and Himura, once the fire has been lit, nothing will quell it./
"Misao!" the sudden outburst from Okina drew the two men from their silent battle
as they looked in the direction where everyone was staring.
Misao stood leaning on the doorframe. Her face pale and her kimono was loosely
resting on her shoulders. She did not even tie an obi around her. He hair lied
limply around her head as she held out Aoshi's kodachis. Her bloody inside kimono
heavily contrasted the light fabric of the one outside.
"What are you doing? You should be in bed!" Okina ordered.
"I will not die lying down!" she screamed her voice containing a determination her
body could not display. "On guard Aoshi!" she yelled throwing him his swords.
"What?" Omasu asked horrified.
"I am Oniwabanshuu. I will die an honorable death." She whispered getting into
a stance.
"You are crazy!" Okon whimpered tears in her eyes.
"An honorable death okashira. That is my last request." He knew what she wanted
the moment she revealed herself to them. By the despair he saw in Soujiro's eyes
he understood the younger man knew as well.
He glanced at his still sheathed swords and into the set eyes of the woman in front
of him./ Stubborn 'til the very end eh Misao?/
"Please okashira." She whispered in tears. "Please Aoshi." She finished.
It was the first time she had ever called him that. Aoshi wanted to hear his name
whispered by her voice once more. Oh how he wanted every part of her to become his.
To be held in his arms when she has so cruelly abandoned him.
Soujiro looked at his wife. Her tenacity was admirable. And he hated her for it.
He felt his heart break as she stood there. Her trembling fingers holding three
kunais seemed so small when he held them in his. How he longed to hold her once
more.
Aoshi looked in to the resolute blue eyes that stared at him. How his heart bled
for her. And in his eyes he felt a burning so profound and deep. And he felt a
strange sensation on his cheeks and it entered his mouth filling it with a
saltiness unknown to him. /Tears? Are these tears?/ He asked. The sensation felt
so alien to him and the surprised comments from the people in the room confirmed
his speculation.
"He is shedding tears?" Omasu exclaimed.
"All my years I have never seen you weep Aoshi. I guess there is a first time
for everything." Okina muttered. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the
poor child trembling at the door. Only her face did not change at his sudden
display of tears.
"Misao..." he started seeing blood run down her legs.
"Yaaah!" she screamed running toward him. He drew his swords and took his stance.
Then he saw it, the slight falter in her steps. And he threw away his swords and
caught her just before her legs gave way.
He was kneeling in front of her. Holding her. And she looked up at him her eyes
full of supplication. He brushed her hair from her face and he smiled. "I cannot
think of a more honorable death than a mother's Misao."
"Ao...shi" she broke down sobbing into his chest.
Soujiro looked away. He was holding her as if she was meant to be held by him.
His wife lay dying in the arms of another man. And it drove him insane.
He knew he should tell Soujiro to take his place. But he couldn't, he wanted to
hold her most of all. /Let me be selfish for once. Let me hold her once more before
I loose her./
He buried his head into her hair and let his newfound tears cascade onto her face.
The smell of her blood congesting his nostrils. And he sighed a grim smile escaping
his lips. /I have never been happier in my life than at this moment./
Soujiro knelt beside them holding on to Misao's hand. "Smile for me Misao, one
last time." he smiled sadly.
"I will always smile for you Sou..."
/No./ Soujiro screamed in his head.
/No./ Aoshi wept in his.
"Nooooo!!!" Soujiro screamed. The child in Okon's arms began to wail.
"He knows." Aoshi whispered as he got up leaving Misao's lifeless body in her
husband's arms. His kimono was stained with her blood. And he looked into Misao's
eyes, drowning in their own oblivion.
He took the child in his arms and looked over his shoulder at Soujiro. He was
cradling her body gently rocking her, whispering something into her deaf ears. He
took him outside into the cool night air. The wind howled as it swept past them.
"Even the wind is lamenting her loss." He smiled to the child. He knelt in front of
a tree, the child he lay on the grass between his knees. The child started to cry and
flail its arms finding itself suddenly wrenched from his mother's bosom and thrust
into the cold harsh world. But Aoshi Shinomori did not hear him for he was deaf to
the world. All he could feel was the tears streaking his face and the cold fragile
rustle of an old paper crane against his chest.
***
He laid irises on her grave as he held his son. He traced the engraved characters
on the stone's face. Seta Misao. /The stone does not suit her. He thought. The face
of a cold stone can never replace her beautiful smile./
He handed the boy to Aoshi who stood behind him. He looked at him puzzled.
"Raise my son Aoshi." He muttered. Aoshi regarded him with his usual cold look.
"You are his father." He said listlessly not taking the child from him.
"What kind of life can I give him?" he said almost sadly. "A life of a hitokiri is
not fit for a child."
"So you have decided to go back to killing then?"
"It is the only thing I know."
"Will you abandon your wife's and son's love?"
"I love Misao, more than my life."
"Then stay and raise her son."
"No I cannot soil my son with my hands. He is better off with you, and here he
will have memories of his mother surrounding him."
"Will you desecrate Misao's memory by wallowing in your own selfishness? Will you
destroy the man Misao loved?"
"She made me so happy. The Soujiro Misao married is the only significant part of
me and he is buried deep inside me now. Deeper than the ocean can fathom. I will
not let the world distort those three years. Forgive me this one last selfishness."
"You are a worthless bastard Seta, don't do this to your son."
"I am doing this for my son."
"And what of the Misao's dreams?"
Soujiro looked at the ground before looking into Aoshi's hard stare. "A raven will
never be a dove." He stated smiling. A cold shiver ran up Aoshi's spine as he took
the child in his arms.
He watched as Soujiro walked away. He stopped and turned around his face serious
"The boy is your son now, as it should always of had been. But the next time we
meet I will destroy you Shinomori." And with that he smiled once more. His cold
unfeeling smile.
"One more thing okashira, I am not the man Misao loved." He said behind his back.
Not turning to look at him.
~end~
I'm not sure with my usage of Japanese terms, I just had to write this.
Ok please don't hurt me. I just had to end it that way. Ease up on the tongue-
lashing ok? This is my first fanfic after all.
Ok ok I know the characters are sort of out of character. But like a wise fried
told me, love makes you get out of character. True right?
the Paper cranes were supposed to be the symbol of love in this fic. The fic centers
on three promises, Misao's to Soujiro to be his wife, Soujiro to Misao not to kill
and Aoshi's to Misao to make her happy. Now each character had to face a conflict
in his promise, whether to uphold honor or to let love reign supreme. Obviously all
three upheld their honor and did not go back on their promises. Misao and Aoshi's
promise sort of ends here but Soujiro's is the center of the sequel I made.
Anyway anyone who wishes to put my fic on their sites may do so. (nudge...nudge...
wink...wink) it's a hint!!! Just please notify me and put my e-mail addy so I could
get comments from those that read it.
Before I end this I would like to thank everyone for spending time to read this
and sorry if I offended anyone. A thousand apologies.
Oh yeah in the next fic, I have named Soujiro and Misao's child Nakiwara which
came from nakiwarai(smiling through tears) I know its not a legitimate name but
man o man does it ever serve my purpose! Any suggestions for the name please post
them. Much obliged. :P
Man did this ever turn out cheezy!!!
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